Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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