My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
