she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
