nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
