I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
