i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
this is an emotional support booty call
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
