Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
