Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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