when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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