you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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