guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
