Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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