How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
