his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have aggressive nipples.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize