Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize