This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
