I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
