the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
