how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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