When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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