I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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