So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she smelled like a LAN party
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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