i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
