Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
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