I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
