none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
