I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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