There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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