Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
