I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
