I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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