I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
