I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
