i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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