we made out on top of his cat.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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