i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
