Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
