I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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