john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
