my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
