Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
