i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
