Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
