Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
