and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
