Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
