The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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