Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sorry about my life...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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