It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
