I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
