just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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