Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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