how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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