My liver just broke up with me...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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