so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
