His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
