bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
