You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
