Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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