guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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