all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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