I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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