u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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