He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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