I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
